24 Jan 2013

Secret Diary of a...Girl

I was tempted to go with the 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl' title but that would pose three relatively major problems.  1) Copyright.  2) I'm not a call girl.  3) It would hardly be secretive because my identity is already known.

Therefore, instead of amusing you with anonymous escort exploits, I will begin by telling you Montana's hand-bag must-haves.  I know that's a pretty radical jump and consequently the title makes little sense, but bare with...

1) Smints.  Or some form of gum.  Just in case I meet the man of my dreams after chomping wildly on some garlic bread.
2) Lipgloss.  I'm a girl.  Enough said.
3) My phone.  Not only for contacting people, but also for warding off eye-contact with potential creeps.  At least (pretending) to use my phone is a relatively acceptable activity.
4) A bottle of water.  I don't enjoy begging for tap water.
5) Face powder.  Oily noses aren't really in fashion atm.
6) A pen and a few old receipts.  For writing down random nuggets of information.  Street/place names, the title of a novel that may randomly pop into my head etc. 
7) Hand sanitizer.  I'm not a fan of germs.
8) Keys.  I don't like being stranded on my doorstep.
9) iPod.  To ease the journey from the apartment to the office with the tunes of Jason Mraz et co.
10) Metro pass.  Jumping over the turnstiles in a dress isn't very classy.
11) A hair tie.  For a spontaneous bun or ponytail midway through the day.
12) Umbrella.  The rain follows me.
13) Wallet.  For buying things like croissants, clothes and iced tea.  Oh, and smints when I run out.
14) Small change.  For vending machines, which surprisingly don't accept or give change for 50 euro notes.
15) Map.  My sense of direction is really quite shocking.  I may know the difference between left and right but that's about it.
16) Stamps.  For those last-minute birthday cards.
17) Scissors.  I'm kidding, who keeps scissors in their handbag?  Although I have been asked countless times if I don't happen to have a pair on me, so they may be a good investment.  I'm sure security checks would love that: "Were you planning to use these scissors as a weapon?" Me: "Hell no, just for recreational purposes..." (whatever that means)

And the must-haves which I can't fit in my hand-bag...

18) Morning coffee.  I cannot stress enough the importance of my caffeine fix(es).  Otherwise I look like I'm squinting by 2pm.
19) At least 8 (preferably 10) hours sleep each night, otherwise I want to punch people on the metro for walking too slowly and taking up too much space.  (nb: I usually want to do this anyway...) (2nd nb: wouldn't it be great if you could put your face in your handbag for a few moments and inhale a few hours of sleep?)
20) My watch.  I always want to know what time it is, even when I'm in the cinema, on a date...sleeping.  For me, time is an affirmation that I'm still sane and, well, alive.  (nb: my watch will fit in my hand-bag, but it does its job better on my wrist.)

So there you have it!  I'm no Mary Poppins but I try my best to have all the essentials.  And the greatest thing of all?  Their home is my Longchamp handbag, aka my baby.  Talk about embracing Parisian fashion!  It's also made me wonder how much the content of my hand-bag actually differs from that of a real call girl.  Probably not that much.  Apart from the condoms of course....

No comments:

Post a Comment