18 Jan 2013

12 Shades of Paris

My chest is thumping incredulously; the same feeling you get when you accidentally skip a step whilst running down a flight of stairs.  A river of adrenaline floods through my veins like I've been injected with a thousand boosters of something my body can't seem to register.  I want more and more of it but it's making my vision hazy and I'm starting to feel like I could melt into the air in its all-embracing warmth.  I feel my chest starting to glow and a rush of heat cascades down my spine.


In some respects this is the perfect Saturday night, but in many others, it couldn't be worse.  He's affecting me in unimaginable ways and the more time I spend with him, the tighter the knot connecting the two of us is becoming.  And short of cutting the knot with a pair of scissors, it's becoming so richly entwined that untangling it seems virtually impossible.  Yet a big part of me won't consider untangling the mess I've created either, because despite the ultimate heartache, I couldn't be happier.  I suppose that's what you call living in the moment.  Or, as I like to refer to it, foolishness.

aloneYou know what?  I always thought there was something wrong with me.  Believe it or not, I have my struggles with falling 'head over heels' for any man, so why should the fact that he's French make it any different?  I can be passionate and intense in my own special way, but I try to escape heartache by not falling hard in the first place and it's worked so far.  I suppose I'm a pessimist in that respect; I always see some looming obstacle on the horizon and figure it makes more sense to back off than to take the plunge.  But this just feels different.  No safer, mind you, except I've actually fallen this time, and there's no turning back.

What has happened to the unabashed girl who always took the right footing?  How have I given away my heart in a matter of 5 days, and why am I embarrassed to admit it?

I hardly notice when he slips something into my pocket.

"Don't read it until you're alone" I hear him whisper.  Alone.  The word is like daggers to my chest, because I know it means 'without him'.  And I'm scared.

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