16 Oct 2012

Stolen Goods

Yesterday, upon attempting to steal a hair dryer, I managed to hurt myself quite significantly.  Given that my hair is horrendously important to me, this hair dryer stealing business was no small matter.  

I managed to slyly pluck the electronic device from its socket and made my merry way back to my room.  Well, attempted.  I happened to scrape the side of my ankle against the bed post and watched as raw skin tore away from my foot, like a letterbox flap.  I imagined what would have happened if I'd literally collapsed and been unable to move, lying semi-conscious on the wooden floor as a pool of blood surrounded this blood-forsaken foot of mine and seeped through the cracks into the apartment below.  A tempting vinaigrette for that evening's salad.  And then, Prince Charming would fly through the sky on a flamingo to save me from my inevitable fate.  But the reality was, I'd be caught in the act, holding a stolen hair dryer.  The culprit in the story, not the victim.

After hobbling back to my room like a one-legged walrus (funny, since walruses don't actually have legs), I quietly lamented my foot's destiny.  Would this warrant a Disabled parking ticket I wonder?

And then, as I limped out of the apartment into the big wide world, I managed to slice my hand open on the handle of someone's bike.  (NB: Slice is perhaps a slight hyperbole - my hand is still intact.)  Nevertheless, anger mounted as I looked grudgingly at the bike, immediately feeling a strong aversion to its owner for leaving it in such a useless location.  Was this my punishment for momentarily stealing a hair dryer?

I'd even attempted to remove my finger prints with some cotton buds.  Definitely a future thief in the making...

Watch this space.


P.S. The picture you see above is a hair dryer revolver.  "The Hair Dryer" is slowly becoming a strong contender for my number one crime weapon for when I make it big time.

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