8 Sep 2012

PDA in Paris


Flash flash..Lesson number two learnt: wearing a flimsy silk dress whilst holding a handbag has shocking consequences.  Let me explain.  I was walking along Av. Wagram after visiting a friend in their flat near the Champs Elys√©es.  I was talking to my friend, minding my own business, when a woman came up to me and said “you may want to put your handbag on your other arm….because your dress is riding up and I can see everything”.  What exactly she meant by everything, I don’t quite know.  But I can only presume that I was leaving little to the imagination.  I blushed, laughed awkwardly, and replied with a curt “thanks” before expressing my horror.  I don’t think I’d go up to a stranger on the street and tell them their nipple was on show, or that they had loo roll stuck between their legs.  I think I’d just laugh, and point.  #sarcasm (slightly).  I was however reassured that I could finally cover up my derriere, and relieved that she hadn’t finished her sentence with “…because someone is trying to steal your purse”.  Instead, I’d flirted with a bit of immodest bum flashing aka PDA (Public display of ASS).  All I’m sayin’ is: Thank God I was wearing underwear.  Not that I ever don’t for that matter…

I also learnt last night that talking in an American accent works wonders for me.  I’ve been known to switch in and out of accents (poorly), but being half-American, I’ve somehow acquired an alter-ego, and she knows how to work the American accent to a fine line.  There I was, sat between an Asian and a Russian, who were stunned to discover my secret aptitude.  Apparently switching from Queen English to Sassy American is a transferable skill worth using.  It earned me at least 3 vodka shots, which of course I watered down with a G&T because I cannot stand Vodka, and I’m badass.  Literally.  Apparently the English are too refined and reserved when it comes to talking.  Who would have thought.  Guess I gotta get my twang going.

Watch this space.

Montana  

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