My Dad thinks I should get the world saying “NOB” - the shorter and catchier version of “No offence, but…” He used to take the piss out of me all the time because I’d spend my life saying the phrase. I’ve since learnt that saying “No offence” before you say something offensive doesn’t really stop it from being offensive. In fact, it highlights the fact that you’re knowingly saying something highly offensive. Kind of awkward in that respect. But I seemed to be so addicted to the expression that I’d use it 24/7, even when I wasn’t saying something offensive. “No offence but I think this road is quite narrow”; “no offence but these shoes don’t fit me”; “no offence but I think I’m shorter than you”. I suppose that’s better than “no offence but I think you’re a bitch”. I guess I was just overly polite at times...
Tonight we had chicken drumsticks for dinner which my Dad doesn’t like...because he’s American. The Americans like breast. Doesn’t matter how much it’s been processed, modified, regurgitated… they just can’t be dealing with bones (life’s too short/they're lazy etc.) My Mum consequently deboned his chicken drumsticks (sounds like an euphemism but I assure you it isn’t), but sadly my Dad still found a bone in his meal which he believed to be a “chicken knuckle” which would be funny/relevant…if we were eating chicken fists. He then rephrased, explaining how it actually looked like a chicken testicle. If human ones are anything to go by, I sure as hell don’t think it was a testicle…thank God for those Bio classes is all I'm sayin'.
We then got onto the subject of chicken veins when my Dad decided that he’d found a suspicious edifice within his meal which he believed to be (and I quote) “an octopus”. I said it was probably an artery. He squirmed. NOB, get over it.
Sheesh…I hope this word becomes an Internet sensation. I said NOB to my sister earlier and she ran off crying...maybe need to test the waters a little more before I start nobbing around.
Watch this space.